Even after my amazing day at the spa, I feel so out-of-sorts and unsettled. First of all, work has been particularly nasty. I dream of telling my boss to go and **** himself and just walking out the place, never to return.

And then there is another little matter.

My hubs is amazing and I feel so lucky to have him in our lives. And I know he loves M and Z as if they were his own flesh and blood. But…

Sometimes I just feel like something is missing.

I got a call from an old flame recently. This is a guy I dated (lived with) for quite a few years before I met M and Z’s father (another bad boy!). He’s a musician (plays guitar) and (back then at least) had a body to die for. And my, what those fingers could do….

I was young and fell hard for him, but he still wanted to play the field. Which he did (even when we were still living together) – so I left with an aching heart.

A few years later he tracked me down and said I was “the one.” A bit late for that. I was pregnant with M. and trying to make a rocky relationship work. But when I heard his voice my heart still skipped a beat anyway.

So here we are, all these years later. He is now living in New York City (my town!) and having his dream life, hanging out with the rich and famous. Meanwhile I am stuck in Bellingham, Washington. How the hell did that happen!

So his band is coming to Seattle to play a gig and he wants to get together. He is single and still says I am “the one.” Yeah, right!

But I do wonder about the choices I’ve made. And I find myself thinking that had I been single when Music Man had come back to town, I might now be living the high life in NYC.

But then, I wouldn’t have my kids either, or the man I love. And I can’t even begin to imagine that. They are worth everything to me. Even if it means living in Bellingham.

But still, I’m sometimes seduced by thoughts of that other life…