Daughters. Beloved daughters. Even as young as mine are do you know they still get more compliments on their clothes than boys of a similar age? Do you know that little girls worry about being fat now more at a younger age than ever before? And if you know either of those facts, you of course know all about the sexualization of little girls. Long long long before they’re mature enough to defend themselves, or carry and operate a can of mace.

So it is with a certain studied pride that I observe my daughters complete lack of concern for any of the following:

1. Personal hygiene - Including but not limited to dirty faces, sticky hands, and rats’ nests in hair

2. Clothing that matches or looks cute and bippy - They have not once (not once I say!) asked to wear either this outfit or that.

3. Clothing gifts - T-shirts and skirts and shirts are passed over with the same glazed expression that I have when someone gives me a vacuum cleaner or kitchen utensil as a gift. When a grandma sings “See? It matches!” she might as well be calling out “fjkdsl;jfdsklfjdskl;j” for all the excitement that is translated to the dim unimpressed eyes of my daughters.

On the other hand, out in the wilds of unstructured hippie child-rearing land (my domain), I sometimes wonder how my little darlings will ever make it through school (given that when they see me carrying a brush they run away screaming like wild monkeys facing a blowtorch)…? One imagines some sort of Hygiene Training will be necessitated, lest they send the girls home with notes and signs or (worse) some sort of stigma.

I love little girls that are allowed to be little girls. Who run wild and free and dirty and completely carefree for as many years as this weighty world will allow. I wish for my daughters total freedom from cares about body image and beauty and lipstick and heels.

But since I can’t be sure they’ll have that. I can at least encourage their total disregard for looks.

Dear Sassy Girlfriends,

It’s been too long since we shared an evening together with cocktails and giggles.  There are many reasons that a night out is becoming an absolute necessity, including but not limited to the fact that:

1. Today is Family Day -- which means Daddy works in the yard for 40 hours while Mommy stays inside and referees fights over stuffed cats, shooshing yellers so that wee babe won’t wake up.

2. Once wee babe wakes up, we’re heading to a family get together where they’ll be no nice sassy friends like you, no cocktails, and no swearing

3. Daddy has just given Mommy an assignment.  It goes like this "Honey - would you please help the kids make a sign that says "FREE" so that we can get rid of this aluminum ladder? Wouldn’t that be fun, ladies?"  Yes, dear.  That would be TONS of fun… especially when I put the sign on a few things I’ve been meaning to clean out of the garage…items in or around your tool bench.

4. Mommy doesn’t like making signs with children.

5. I haven’t talked to a woman about non-kid/ non-husband things in about 1 million years.

So, dear girlfriend, save me from my plight.  Let’s dress-up, wear lipstick and heels, and put our funk on!!

Love,
CrankMama