On my way home from the podcasting conference in Chico, CA I had a longer than planned layover in Los Angeles, so I decided to see if I could find something decent to eat.

Unfortunately every “restaurant” in the terminal (what an apt name for anything connected with hurtling through space while over 30,000 feet in the air) seemed to be serving unappetizing fast food. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for meals on the go but after a week of quick eats even I’d had my fill.

I just wanted something that was not served in a plastic container. How hard could that be?

Apparently… very.

So I finally ended up in a sports bar because it was serving drinks in real glasses. I took this to be a good sign.

The menu was not too inspiring, but out of desperation I ordered some clam chowder and fried zucchini, along with a glass of chardonnay to wash it all down.

I was sipping on the wine when the waiter slapped the food on my table and said, “You eat healthy!” I looked at the entire loaf of bread that the soup was encased in and the pile of greasy, battered vegetables (all served of course in the mandatory plastic containers) and I thought I must have misheard him. Excuse me… “You eat healthy,” he repeated.

Holy crap. I guess if it’s not McDonalds or Cinnabon it must indeed be healthy.

So, CrankMama, the queen of microwave and toaster oven dinners eats healthy! Well what do you know?

Although I must admit - I felt a little bit of guilty pleasure, like when I get carded in a bar. Yes I know they do it just to get a better tip, but I can still enjoy it, can’t I?

My adventure (see previous post) to Chico, CA for the Fun, Money, Good Podcasting Conference continues…

I finally make it out of Vegas to the US Airways counter in L.A. to get the 411 on my connecting flight to Sacramento.

I am waiting in line when this guy pushes his way to the front and bangs his hand on the counter three times shouting “Excuse Me, Excuse Me, EXCUSE ME! I am going to miss my connection.”

What an ass… He’s on the same flight as I am and we have over an hour to get to our new gate. How long can it take?

A very long time as it turns out. We’ve been transferred to United, which happens to be in Terminal 7 at the opposite end of the airport, and a bus ride away. We also have to go through security AGAIN.

I dash through the airport with my bag-on-wheels flying behind me, biting the ankles of anyone who dares get in my way, until I make it to the bus.

On the way to Terminal 7 we pass the counter for Air Tahiti Nui and immediately visions of tropical beaches and pina coladas flash before my eyes.

Just think – a few steps and I could be soaking up the sun in paradise. So close… and yet so far.

For now, it’s onward to Terminal 7, gate 70A and Sacramento. But why are all these people standing around. Shouldn’t they be boarding by now? NO!!!!! Don’t tell me… The flight is delayed. AGAIN. Shoot me now.

On second thought, has that flight to Tahiti left yet?

But I don’t want to stay in Vegas! I’m trying to get to Sacramento, where my good friend Shawn is picking me up and driving me to Chico for the Fun Money Good Podcasting Conference.

I was only supposed to be in Vegas for a short layover, but I’ve now been at the airport for almost 3 hours and folks are getting irate. At first they told us there had been a “problem” with the plane, but not to worry as a replacement plane was being flow in and we would be boarding in 15 minutes. Meanwhile nobody was to leave the gate under threat of being left behind. We all obediently complied.

But when the aircraft arrived and we all got ready to pile on, someone noticed a puddle of blue stuff oozing out from one of the lavatory doors. Houston… We Have A Problem… again!

Hey, no worries. We were assured that it was a simple matter and a team of proficient toilet-fixer-uppers were called in to take care of it. We would be in the air in no time.

Meanwhile, nobody was to leave the gate as we’d be boarding in 15 minutes (didn’t I say that before?).

Well, the blue stuff kept oozing (I was at least glad it was blue….) and the tired and hungry crowds grew more and more incensed.

Eventually, it was announced that there were 20 seats on another flight that was headed to L.A. and then onto Sacramento. But only folks that had no checked baggage were eligible to transfer.

Pandemonium and chaos broke out at the check-in desk. A wave of lucky folks who were traveling oh-so-light thrust themselves at the counter, followed closely by a second wave of folks who wanted their bags taken off the potty-spewing plane so they too could have a chance at one of the 20 coveted seats.

But the attendants insisted that no bags would be taken off the plane.

So one gentleman said he just HAD to get on that flight to L.A. and couldn’t they book him on it and he would get his bag when it eventually ended up in Sacramento? To which the attendant responded, “Sir, that is against airline policy. You cannot be separated from your bag.” “But I already am separated from my bag!” he said.

Well I thought he had a damn good point there.

But the attendant stood his ground and our luggage continued to be held hostage by US Airways. Meanwhile the crowd grew even more restless.

“May we now go and get something to eat?” a women asked. “No mam, we have a technician working on the plane right now so you cannot leave this area. As soon as the toilet is fixed we will be leaving right away. We will be giving an update in 15 minutes.”

In 15 minutes the update was…. “we have a technician working on the plane right now so you cannot leave this area. As soon as the toilet is fixed we will be leaving right away. We will be giving an update in 15 minutes. And under no circumstances can you leave your luggage unattended.”

Screw that…

And on it went… How long can they keep us here for?

A voice from the crowd shouted out, “Do the same people who work on the toilets also work on the engines?” The response was, “Sir, all of our mechanics are certified technicians.” Well that didn’t exactly answer the question.

Another passenger asked, “Don’t you have a backup plane?” “Sir, this is the backup plane!”

Then a desperate young woman (who later introduced herself as Norma) approached the desk and said, “You just gotta get me out of here. It’s all my fault.” Uh Oh. I hear security stirring in the background.

She turned to me and said, “This has been the worst vacation EVER! It began when I arrived at Harrah’s and within minutes they had to close the whole place down because of a code violation. And it just kept getting worse. They gotta get me out of here ‘cause I’m jinxed. Once I’m gone, everything will be fine.”

She continued, “I was waiting in line to get on the LA flight, and when my turn came a guy jumped right in front of me screaming that he’d been given the wrong ticket. He ended up getting the very last seat. I was this close to getting out of here. I feel like I’m stuck in a very bad sitcom.” Sorry Norma, looks like nobody is getting out of here any time soon.

Well, after what seemed like an eternity, the announcement came from US Airways. The potty-spewing lavatory just wouldn’t quit, and it needed a replacement part that couldn’t be located anywhere in the entire airport. So… without further pomp and ceremony, the flight was officially cancelled, and our bags were released from the wicked airline’s grip.

As luck would have it, I happened to be chatting with the gate attendant when the announcement came, so I was first in line to get rebooked on another flight. They tried to fly me directly to Chico, but all flights were fully booked for the rest of the evening. Then they tried Redding. Same deal. And there were no more flights to Sacramento that night.

So I asked them to get me a hotel room in Vegas and book me on the first flight in the morning. “Sorry mam, we’ve already checked that out, and with it being the weekend there are no available hotel rooms (in Vegas!!!! Are they kidding?) and the first available flight tomorrow is not until mid afternoon.”

In the background I heard angry voices threatening to contact the newspapers. Then I realized the attendant was telling me that I had to hurry to another gate as she had just found a seat for me on another flight. WooHoo!!!!!

Guess what? CrankMama’s going to L.A.

I love my guy and I love my kids, BUT… lately I’ve been increasing cranky when it comes to keeping it all together.

While I’m NOT Martha Stewart, I do like the chaos at home to be at least somewhat organized. Between the laundry, dishes, toys, and other accumulations, I’m starting to lose it. And as far as cooking goes, if it doesn’t fit in a toaster it’s too much work (only kidding, well sort of…).

I really need a break and probably wouldn’t be feeling so snarky at home if I were having a better time at work. It isn’t too fulfilling these days. I’ll scoop you on some of the whys soon but for now let’s just say I’m looking to expand in new directions.

Sooooo…… tomorrow I’m heading to Chico, California to attend the Fun, Money, Good Podcasting Summit. I’m so excited!

I’ll be meeting up with my gal pal / technical genius Elizabeth, who takes care of the back-end details for this site. So she can learn the techie stuff, while I schmooze.

I’ll keep you updated as to my adventures. But meanwhile, I’m off to finish packing and put dinner in the toaster….