August 26, 2006 - 10:35 am
One of the many elements firing my girlcrush on Susie Bright (writer, sexpert, mother) is that she gives us air holes in our little jars of conventionality — that fabulous concept that keeps our bad little dogs chained but often ruins spontaneity.
Since I delayed childbearing and marriage until well into my 30s, I had much time to sow my wild oats and dance until 3 and spend too much money on travel and shoes and graduate school. I had time to date and sleep with the wrong men, drink too much and too often, and spend afternoons on my sunny porch discussing gender politics with my galpals.
Even though I still have ways to rebel that are within the realm of reasonable and responsible, I still feel like a bee in a jar and miss that other life.
Now I’m going to share a poem I call Soul Cage... (read to the music of somewhere over the rainbow)
HA! Wouldn’t that be just awful?? Isn’t there a Sting album by that name? Poor Sting. Ah… how fragile we are. So true so true.
Other than watching porn and occasionally imbibing *before* I begin to prepare dinner (the horror), I’m not creatively gifted at finding other means to express this need to rebel. As a mother of 3 and living in a small town, I’m hesitant to parade downtown in my S&M dress and pink boa…
But you never know.
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I can relate, I sometimes feel like a bee in a jar, remembering the wild times of my youth. It’s so sad that I can’t even rebel anymore.I have no energy to go out past ten pm and excessive alcohol leaves me feeling like death the next day… maybe I’ll take a leaf out of your book and parade around the house after dark in a leather corset and pink feather boa so I can feel BAD!
August 28th, 2006 at August 28, 2006 - 5:15 amSome days I feel positively wicked when I cheat and buy my kiddo McDonalds for dinner . . . then I feel sad that this gives me any kind of a rush at all. I keep thinking that there has to be a way to balance being an independent funny spunky well educated woman and being a wonderful mom. If my 6 year old found the Daily Show as hysterical as the concept of a shark being on a bus it would be easier. I inhabit two different worlds. I don’t have any friends that are moms, although they enjoy my son it’s not the same. Then I feel guilty for thinking that there’s so much of *me* that doesn’t go into being a mom, and what do I do with all of that? And when?
On the upside my house is very tidy.
August 29th, 2006 at August 29, 2006 - 9:54 amSingleMama,
August 29th, 2006 at August 29, 2006 - 9:57 amYou’ve NAILED it… How can we be our full selves *and* still be good mamas? When we find the answer, we’ll be millionaires!
Hey, I was like you! Slept with wrong men! Drank and partied into the night! Well into my 30’s!
I want to get the book “Mommies Who Drink” by Brett Paesel. Below is the URL.
http://www.amazon.com/Mommies-Who-Drink-Memories-Ordinary/dp/0446578738/sr=1-1/qid=1157071089/ref=pd_bbs_1/103-4578711-4449436?ie=UTF8&s=books
August 31st, 2006 at August 31, 2006 - 5:39 pm